This post has been a long time coming where I rail on those groups of people who come across as enemies of infertility. They are the ones who refer to infertiles as being bitter, entitled and selfish. They are the ones who had no problem conceiving their own children yet judge those who are infertile for the decisions they make to create their families. However, I’ve instead decided not to rail on them but to reach out to help them better understand where the infertile community is coming from. Because I’ve learned that ranting and attacking doesn’t make anyone want to listen to you or be empathetic to your cause.
When I first got my diagnosis of non obstructive azoospermia, I did a lot of research on donor conception. One of the groups I came across was one called the Center for Bioethics and Culture network. Their issues range from euthanasia, abortion, cloning and assisted reproduction/third party reproduction. They are against assisted reproduction, which is something that allows couples who are infertile have children. It’s something that their two heads Matthew Eppinette and Jennifer Lahl as well as other employees at their organization never had to deal with and are very uniformed when it comes to the emotional tool infertility takes on its victims.
Please don’t get me wrong, I understand where these groups are coming from. I respect that they have moral and ethical issues with assisted reproduction and I do believe we need to study the long term impacts of these procedures. However, where Mr. Eppinette and Ms. Lahl completely miss the boat is their lack of empathy for the infertile, recognition of the emotional pain infertility causes and why is infertility on the rise. The lack of empathy in their work is evident even though they try to go around it with things like we feel bad for those going through Infertility and will finish off the piece with comments like “Adult selfish desires trumps again”. So that also ties into their lack of recognition of the emotional pain that we go through. They don’t understand what drives individuals to go to the lengths they do to have children. People who have children will never ever understand it. But the least they can do is recognize it.
My biggest issue with this group is that for all the research that this organization does they to next to no research on the rise in infertility and the environmental factors that are contributing to it. Instead Ms. Lahl’s tactics are to shame those going through infertility such as she did in this piece. What she fails to realize is that the majority of people going through infertility are in their late 20’s and early 30’s not their 40’s like she would have you believing. I believe her organization if they truly care about the health of the human race should investigate the companies that pollute and add toxins to our environment that have contributed to the increase in infertility.
As I said earlier I respect this group’s passion I just believe if they were more supportive and recognized certain aspects of infertility that I would support their organizations cause. Their tactics of shaming infertiles don’t gain the support of the infertility community but instead anger it which will lead to both sides becoming enemies rather than working together.