I’ve been rather fortunate that the friends and family I’ve come out to about my infertility have been nothing but supportive. Earlier today I had another positive experience. A friend of mine who I used to work with recently gave birth to her first child. Last night she sent out an invitation on Facebook inviting people to her house on Saturday to meet her son. I didn’t want to be rude and decline so I sent her a message explaining our situation. She was very understanding and even explained how she had a miscarriage two years ago. She explained that after the miscarriage she avoided friends with babies and ones who were pregnant. She said that while her situation is different than ours she understood why.
I was very happy with the response I received but sad what infertility has done to me. Her and her husband are good friends and I am very happy for them. I would have loved to see them. But the wounds of infertility are still open and I’m afraid that it would be triggering for us.
Overall I can’t point to one person I came out to where it was a negative experience though coming out to my one boss was negative in that he then turned around saw it as an opportunity to have me travel more. But that is just one exception. Even though outside of two friends everyone family and friends had no experience with infertility they’ve all been supportive of us and very rarely have insensitive comments been made. I’m very thankful for that.
A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy - An Infertile Man's Perspective 
I do ok at kid birthday parties. However, I cannot handle chisenings and baby dedications. When a dedication is happening at my church, I make it a point to avoid that service, or step outside until that part of the service is finished.
Yeah, grown kids I do ok with. But it’s the little kids and babies I have difficulty with since my diagnosis. When I found out that this friend was pregnant back in May it was very triggering for me but I never said anything to her about our situation because I didn’t want to ruin her joy of being pregnant. Looking back on it I’m glad I didn’t now knowing that she went through a miscarriage.
You’re definitely not alone feeling like that around babies. My husband & I feel the same, & I feel it around pregnant friends too. Happy for them but so sad for us. Not to mention the envy & jealously comes into play too. You are lucky you have supportive family & friends. I’ve found some people mean well but say the most insensitive things without realising it -“just relax & it’ll happen” being a pretty common one… sadly not really the case with infertility.
I think we were lucky and that our diagnosis was pretty clear cut that there was nothing that could be done. I really feel for the couples whose diagnoses aren’t and that there is a chance it leaves open the possibility for ignorant comments.
Pingback: “And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” ― Sylvia
Pingback: “And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” ― Sylvia
Pingback: “And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” ― Sylvia
I remember those days. But I found that trusting the close friends to handle such highly emotional information proved to be beneficial. They encouraged me to trust and place my hope in God, gave me Bible passages to read that uplifted me, and were always available with a listening ear when I needed it. Praying for you…
Thank you so much. Best to you and your family.
Pingback: Taking a Big Step Forward | A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy - An Infertile Man's Perspective