So long 2013

Man what a year it was.  Definitely the most difficult and challenging year of my adult life.  Though I found out I had azoospermia at the end of 2012, I did not know what type of azoospermia I had and what was the cause of it.  I had hope at the end of 2012 that I would be able to work through it and we’d have a pregnancy (that was biologically both of ours) at some point in 2013.  It wasn’t until January 10th that I found out I had a Y Chromosome Microdeletion and it wasn’t until January 25th that it was confirmed I would never be able to have a biological child.  Most of the year and still to this day I am working through the depression that has followed as well as my marriage with my wife.  The thing I am struggling with the most still is what is next.

I am glad this year is over.  I am not sure if 2014 will bring any resolution or even a step in any direction as to what is next, I just know it will be a different year.  That’s what gives me hope.  It could be that one year from now I am writing a post that nothing changed in 2014 and I am exactly where I am now.  The uncertainty is hard to accept but that’s life.

Someone who I have connected with on my infertility journey recently told me (Thanks Sara :-)):

In life’s journey’s sometimes we reach a wait and see point. It is an uncertainty in the fog that we want to fight and press through for clarity. But sometimes, it is better to breathe in and out and let ourselves sit in the uncomfortableness of uncertainty. Sometimes in that we find new perspective and sometimes opportunity finds us and sometimes we grow as people.

I’ve made that my New Years Resolution for 2014 to breathe in and out letting myself sit in the uncomfortableness of uncertainty.  Hopefully I am able to find that new perspective and by some chance of luck I stumble upon a new opportunity that allows me to grow as a person for myself, for my wife and for those others in my life.  So long 2013, you won’t be missed and hello 2014 the year of uncertain hope.   I wish all of those who read this piece have a happy and prosperous 2014 and beyond.


15 thoughts on “So long 2013

  1. dogsarentkids

    I hope you have a better 2014! I just like new beginnings and how it feels. Maybe in week 2 I will be bitter again, but I want to take advantage of at least a few day of pretending.

  2. Whole Belly

    I agree – good riddance 2013. I don’t know what the new year has in store but I have hope just because it’s a different year. Best of luck to you and wishing you success! 🙂

      1. Whole Belly

        Thank you so much for checking out my blog! Infertility is so heartbreaking but I had no idea how much support I’d receive after starting the bog. It’s great sharing recipes, stories and support with fellow bloggers 🙂

  3. buckrugerlayla

    What an amazing perspective…perfect when dealing with many of life’s rather awful surprises. I hope this year is so much better for both you and your wife. My thoughts are th you both!!!!

  4. Pingback: Hello 2014 | A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy - An Infertile Man's Perspective

  5. Elizabeth

    Hi there,

    Reading through your blog this morning has been an amazing and moving experience.

    I work with a fertility clinic in Sydney, Australia and we’d love to chat with you about the possibility of linking from our website to your blog. I believe many of the thoughts and feelings you share about your journey would be helpful to the men and women who come to our clinic – one of the main messages we try to give them is that they are not alone and we realise that’s best heard from someone who’s been there.

    Please let me know if this is something you’d be willing to consider?



    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      Hi Elizabeth,

      I would be honored to be linked from your website. If it’s ok with you, I would love to provide a link to your site from my Resources page.

      Thank you so much for your feedback.

  6. Pingback: Learning more about “Y” I am Infertile | A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy - An Infertile Man's Perspective

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