I’ve written about this topic in a number of posts about what drives people to become parents. When you add the infertility obstacle it pushes a person and couples to go all out to become parents. It can make a person do things that others who have never gone through infertility could never understand.
Earlier this week I came across an article via one person I follow on twitter (where I get most of the great resources I share) it was about a couple who went through infertility. There was a sort of happy ending to the story as her and her husband were able to conceive a child via IVF but were unable to have a second child. In the piece the woman who wrote it discusses their battle with IF, the challenges they faced and how the tough decisions they had to make. It’s a truly heartbreaking piece that anyone who was just diagnosed with infertility should share with friends and family.
The part of the piece that I really identified with was towards the end of piece where she wrote about why people go through so much to have children and become parents. Here is what she said that really stuck out:
Why do people keep trying? Why do they put themselves through so much?
My answer: It’s more than wanting a baby. It’s wanting to fit in, wanting to graduate through the stages of life, wanting to fulfil the dreams of marriage and family, wanting some piece of yourself to remain after your death.
It’s also about being caught up in the medical regimen — remembering to take your medication, give yourself an injection, chart your temperature.
It’s the biological time bomb ticking away, threatening to blow up the entire plan, hammering its steely message into your head: you can’t, you can’t, you can’t. It’s holding on to the hope that maybe if you persist, maybe you still can.
It had me thinking about on therapy session I had last year where my therapist told me about a woman who went through 19 IVF cycles. Forget the cost of those 19 cycles, the emotional toll and physical toll of those cycles are something I can’t comprehend. But I understand what was driving this person to do that.
I understand why people go to the extremes K and I were never comfortable to become parents. For me I feel the exact same way this woman did about wanting to fit in, not graduating to the next step in life and most importantly wanting a piece of ourselves to remain after our deaths. That is what is still driving me to work towards becoming a parent one day.
I’ve had people both in my personal life and on the internet who’ve told me they know people who went through infertility, ended up childless and led happy fulfilling lives. To which I say BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT! Sure these people whose circumstances not choice left them childless found a way to survive and seem happy on the surface but deep down their infertility wounds are with them forever and impact their lives forever.
As a society those who had no issues whatsoever conceiving their children need to recognize what infertility issues do to individuals and couples. They need to see what doesn’t make sense to them is something very real for another person and/or couple. But I fear that w/out having gone through the experience, they’ll never recognize it.