It does get easier

After a rough few weeks……….I take that back, after a rough 14 months I think I might be turning the corner. First an update off of my last post, I got my four references needed to apply for my local Big Brother program. Earlier today I submitted my application and signed up for a training in early April. It’s a bit of a wait so I am disappointed on that end but I’ll be traveling for work when their March training is. The important thing though is I’m moving in a direction and I’m excited about the prospect of making a difference.

Last night I went to a Happy Hour with some old co workers that I haven’t seen in two years. It was great to see them as they were a fun group to work with. All of them have children included one friend who went through infertility from my understanding and her and her husband recently adopted her grandniece. I had reached out to her last year for some advice on adoption. I didn’t divulge many details back then just said K and I may not be able to have children. The topic of children was being talked after this friend had left. That was when I opened up and told the group that K and I were unable to have children with ease.

For the first time opening up about what we’ve been through I didn’t get upset or reflect. It was a smooth conversation. Though they did turn the conversation to adoption. But they weren’t annoying about it. Overall I handled it well not really getting upset or emotional during it all.

Maybe I am turning the corner. Maybe this does get easier with time. Maybe I can do this and make it out better than when I was when I started……

10 thoughts on “It does get easier

  1. jlbf4

    So happy to read this and hear you feel like some healing might be happening. Thinking of you, we did the Big Brother Big Sisters program as a couple for a year, I hope you find what you are looking for in it!

      1. jlbf4

        Read, write, feel and talk, all of it, a lot ;). But seriously, this is how I found my light again. And there are days it is definitely a messy, not very pretty, struggle. But one, that I can promise, is worth it.

      2. jlbf4

        Be specific as to what you want and need from the program, as be honest, with them and yourself, as to what type of kid you’d like to be matched with and which ones you fell like wouldn’t be a good fit. We didn’t have the best experience but still believe in the organization!


    Glad you had an experience where you shared and felt less isolated. If nothing else, I think we become more skilled. It took me over a year to learn how to speak about our infertility. It’s hard because it’s so unspoken about, so there’s nothing to model. Yet I hated my paralized, panicked tongue tied moments more than anything so I was determined to figure it out and fight through nerves if need be. I’m STILL learning to appreciate the effort and risk involved like the one you took in sharing something painful, especially with a group of people who are not in the same boat. There’s of course nothing wrong with, and everything human about getting upset and emotional, but I always feel less in control when that happens and find it harder to communicate clearly. So good for you! I also noticed that at least for me, the ease didn’t progress in a straight line. It was quite the zig zag, with newly empowered situations often followed by more undone ones. I had to learn to be open to both.

  3. Whole Belly

    Big Brother Big Sisters is such an amazing program – how inspiring. I will look forward to hearing more about your experience! And I’m happy to hear you had a good experience sharing your story.


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