The last two years have been the toughest and strangest of my adult life. The peaks, valleys, range of emotions and how it’s changed me is not something I ever expected to experience in my life. One of the important lessons it’s taught me that it’s ok to be vulnerable and ask for help. Two years ago I recognized that we had been dealt a huge blow and that I couldn’t get through with my piece of our situation on my own. I recognized I needed therapy to help better understand the situation and work through the feelings I was going through.
Two years later not much has changed in terms of my situation with K and the question of whether or not we’ll attempt to become parents. However, at some point in the near future we are going to make a transition to something new. Recognizing how significant that change is going to be and the fallout that will come with it I have decided to go back to therapy. It has been something I have been debating over for the last two months ever since the decision was made that we would not pursue adoption.
Admitting that I needed to go back to therapy was not an easy decision. I hate having to ask anyone for help. The idea that I can do things on my own and accomplish great things are something I take pride in. Feeling vulnerable and exposed to the point where I have to ask for help makes me feel weak. It makes me feel that I can’t do things on my own. I recognize that flaw in myself and it’s something that I have worked on the last two years that it’s ok to ask for help.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength. I understand that as a person I have limitations and that while I can challenge myself I can’t do it all. There are certain challenges I will face where I will need to seek the help of others. That’s ok too as tough as it is to accept.
I’m not going into therapy expecting to find all of the right answers. I will be looking to therapy to help me work through the upcoming transition whatever that is. No matter what the transition is to in my life the issues that I have from the fallout with infertility will need to be worked through. I am confident that no matter what the transition is to that I will be able to figure it out and be ok. I know that I am ready to move forward into the unknown and take on the challenges that come with it. I don’t expect it to be an easy transition in my life but I hope that therapy will be that help along the way.