My anxiety along with depression has been out of control lately because of the upcoming appointment with the urologist.  The last thing I wanted to do was push it back when I had waited two months to make the appointment.  I wanted to just get it over with.    

Recently K started a new job after a two year hard search.  Due to her starting that new job she wasn’t able to take off next Wednesday which would have left me going to the appointment alone.  I thought about going alone but I didn’t feel it would be right to.  This is our journey and it impacts her just as much as it impacts me.  The goal is for us to become parents together not just me alone.

So I have moved my appointment to Tuesday May 5th when K will be able to take off to come with me.  It’s not what I wanted to do but what I had to do.  A lot of this infertility journey for a lot of us is doing what we have to do rather than doing what we want to do.

The challenging part will be controlling my anxiety as well as addressing my depression another two weeks.  It’s been hard enough as it is and will be even harder.  But nothing about this journey has been easy so I don’t expect it to now.  I actually expect it to get even more difficult.


17 thoughts on “Postponement 

  1. My Perfect Breakdown

    I really respect your decision to delay the appointment, because as you said “this is our journey and it impacts her just as much as it impacts me. The goal is for us to become parents together not just me alone.” We also take the same approach and when we had big appointments we always made sure we were both at them to hear the news together and develop a plan together with our medical team and now adoption team.
    I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you strength as you wait a few more weeks.

  2. girl4182

    As hard as it is, I agree that pushing the appointment back was the right thing to do. On the bright side it’ll be here before you know it!

  3. Ellyn Hopes

    I felt the same way catching a plane to the West Coast… I feel that way about my cancer appointments as well. Something about the “sickness and health vow.” Thinking of both of you…

  4. julieann081

    I’m sorry you had to postpone your appointment. I’m glad you’ll be able to go together in May. Thinking of you and hoping your days are getting at least a tiny bit easier.

  5. Mali

    I went to what I thought was a routine appointment on my own. It wasn’t. I wish I’d had my husband with me, for both our sakes. I think you’ve made the right decision, as hard as that will have been.
    Is there anything, however small, that you could do to treat yourself while you wait? Something else to look forward to or think about to help the time pass a little easier? Even something simple like a massage to help you in your training might ease some of the tension?

    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      I went to Mets (baseball) Home Opener this past Monday which I was looking forward to. The Rangers (hockey) playoffs starting as well as work is keeping me distracted. But with my ADD my mind races a lot and it seems to go back to infertility especially when there are certain triggers that remind me in day to day life.

      1. Mali

        Oh yes, our minds do that all the time! (Infertility is like trying not to think about an elephant. It’s all you can think about!) But the relief of a few minutes or even an hour’s distraction cannot be under-estimated. I’m glad you’re getting that – a little at least.

  6. the misfit

    I know this is a heavy additional burden to carry, but your commitment to your wife and your marriage are deeply meaningful. (I went to every appointment alone, so even struggling with depression, I’m pretty sure you guys are healthier than we were/are! Um, not that that’s very comforting – you don’t know us.) You’ll be very much in my thoughts as you wait for your new appointment.

  7. lisaslovelyplace

    I would have moved the appointment too. I went with my husband to his urology appointments and it was something that I would do again. I think that moving the appointment was the right thing to do. Have you considered talking to your primary care about your depression. It is likely that the urologist will tell you to follow up with your primary for depression because it is not their specialty. It may be beneficial to do that since it is another two weeks. Another thing that is helpful for depression is counseling. However, it is completely individual for everyone. I am sure your wife will appreciate being able to be apart of the appointment with you. You are not alone in this. It sucks. Infertility is hard. I have been through MFI with my husband. He had Varicocele surgery in December. I hope all goes well with the Urologist on the 8th. You and your wife will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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