Finding Balance 

Since I was diagnosed as being infertile there have been many things I’ve done to cope with the pain.  I’ve talked about a lot of it on here be it therapy, anti-depressants and running.  The one thing I have not talked about is my Yoga Practice.  About a year and a half ago while training for my first half marathon K made the suggestion of joining her Yoga studio.  I decided to take her up on her suggestion figuring it could help with my conditioning for my running.  I had no idea then that it would become so much more than that for me.

First let me say that I’m not exactly a master Yogi.  I’m uncoordinated have issues at times with my balance and my shoulders are weak.  Also having ADD makes my mind wonder during classes.  However, my practice has gotten better in time.  I’ve connected with some great people and it’s an activity K and I do together.

At the studio I go to they hold workshops on different topics.  In early January I signed up for this workshop called “From Hot Mess to Shining Star”.  The description of it was about working through our distractions organizing our energy and putting it to great use.  As I would learn after the first session it is basically a Yoga for ADD workshop that focuses on the Chakras.  The instructor has ADD which made for great conversation after class.  There is a lot of meditation involved as well as some Yoga poses connected with the different Chakras that we work on in each session.

During the first session we went around the room to introduce ourselves and talk about why we were there and what we hoped to get out of the workshop.  When my turn came I explained that I have ADD and I’m working through depression and that I’m looking to help regain focus in my life.  I didn’t mention my infertility until the fourth session because I wasn’t comfortable at first.  When I did I opened up how I internalized my infertility blaming myself and getting down on myself.  I also talked how I didnt know what was next in life.  It was at that session the instructor asked each of us what we felt our purpose was and what our goals were.  I couldn’t answer it.  Though she told us it was ok if we didn’t know it reminded me of where I was at in my life with no direction.

Last week’s session worked on the throat Chakra and coming up with a Vision for what we want our life to look like.  I told the instructor what if you are scared of that the vision won’t be satisfying or isn’t possible.  She told me that if that’s the case start out with small visions and goals building from there.   

Prior to infertility my vision was to have a life with K raising our kids together.  With that not being possible I’m accepting my limitations.   I don’t know what I would like my life to look like in the long run outside of it being with K instead of what I had envisioned.  

As my Yoga instructor suggested I’m going to start out small and see where it takes me.  What I would like my life to look like is for a life with balance.  A life that is able to be present and focused on the present.   A life that isn’t trapped in depression and held back by anxiety.  A life that is peaceful able to go with the good and bad.  A life that I am grateful to be living with compassion and love.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said life is a journey not a destination.  Part of my journey and the vision of what that journey will look like will include having balance.  I’m not sure where that balance will lead but I have to gain that balance first.  Through my Yoga Practice I will work on achieving that balance.

Namaste

  

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8 thoughts on “Finding Balance 

  1. The EcoFeminist

    congratulations!! the thing i always remember when i go back to yoga is that it’s called “practice” for a reason. yoga for me brings up SO many emotions, and someone finally told me some years ago that there are definite connections when we practice – the twist as a way of ‘wringing’ oneself out and being open to letting those negative emotions out of us. it’s interesting, i was actually thinking this past week when my husband and i returned to yoga that they should have yoga classes for those of us going through infertility…get it out in a safe place, you know? anyhow, congrats again on taking care of your own self 🙂

    Reply
    1. Awaiting Autumn

      I went to an infertility yoga session last month. Our local support group organized it to gauge interest. It was very good, but thr instructor doesn’t plan to run a reoccurring class. Just random one offs which is disappointing.

      Reply
    2. gsmwc02 Post author

      That would be awesome if they had an infertility Yoga class that strictly worked on the emotional loss rather than physically working on fertility.

      Reply
  2. Awaiting Autumn

    Love this! What a gift to yourself. Each time you clear a chakra, more emotions or past issues will surface. Embrace the cleansing. It’s so powerful, yet subtle at the same time. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not knowing. I always feel like the answers come when they are supposed to. If you force it, you sometimes don’t get what you truly want. It also takes some practise to hear your intuition and what you truly desire. Hope the rest of the session goes well for you too!

    Reply
    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      So so true. We were told last week that many times we get stuck in the throat Chakra. I’m leaving for my last session in a bit where our focus will be the on the Eye Chakra. To be honest I’m a little sad the workshop is ending and I hope to carry what I’ve learned into my practice and moving forward in life.

      Thank you so much for the feedback.

      Reply
  3. clwalchevill

    Early on following my diagnosis, I too turned to yoga and mediation to deal with all the emotions that came. Though my practice is still far from consistent, I still find that my practice helps me find balance during the most chaotic of times.

    The most important thing I’ve learned is the importance of being present. Too often we focus on the future, whether the next 10 mins or next 10 years. But you’re absolutely right about life happening while we’re making plans. Or even trying to figure out the path ahead.

    I commend you on taking this step towards finding balance. It’s a hard thing to do. May it be rewarding.

    Reply
  4. Mali

    “What I would like my life to look like is for a life with balance. A life that is able to be present and focused on the present. A life that isn’t trapped in depression and held back by anxiety. A life that is peaceful able to go with the good and bad. A life that I am grateful to be living with compassion and love.”

    You know, that sounds like a fantastic life. I still don’t know exactly how I’d like my life to look. (OK, I do, but I’d need to win the lottery!) But I’ve also seen women have children, then say “now what?” and so they don’t know how they’d like their lives to look.

    This post makes me happy.

    Reply
  5. Angela Bergmann

    So awesome. I am working through the same sorts of things. Allowing myself to have emotions and trying to just live in right now, peaceful and calm. It’s hard, and take work, but so worth it.

    Reply

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