It’s Time

In less than two weeks it will be a year since it was official that my wife and I would not become parents.  It was the most challenging year of my/our lives.  It was more challenging than the year we found out about my infertility.  That year has come and gone.  At the end of the day I’m/We’re still standing because in reality what other choice did I have.

Yesterday I had my race though the result was disappointing that I went out too quickly again and had nothing left for the hilly part of the course rather than let it get me down its become motivation for the next race.  A disappointing half marathon has led me to decide to attempt to train for my first marathon in the fall.  I actually shouldn’t say attempt I should say complete because I will complete it and I will succeed.

The time has come to move forward and take chance with my life.  The time has come to set goals with both myself and goals with my wife.  And those goals will be met.  If I get knocked down I’m going to not only get back up but set the bar higher.  Barriers will be removed.

This was the person I was the first two and a half years of my life and is the person I truly am.  Infertility took that person away temporarily but that person is coming back.  It knocked me down but I’m standing back up and going to set the bar higher.

Yes, the time has come for me to be me.  The time has come to live today and see how it leads to great things for tomorrow.  Sure I’ll be knocked down again but I will get back up regroup and set the bar higher reaching that bar.

I’ve survived the last year now it’s time to thrive.

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13 thoughts on “It’s Time

  1. clwalchevill

    It’s this battle cry of choosing to live and love well that always marks the beginning of an amazing transition. It is true, you will likely encounter set-backs and obstacles, but just as you said these will be overcome. And I truly believe there are great things ahead.

    May this next year continue to be one of healing, of achieving some of those goals and many moments of happiness.

    Reply
    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      I’m not so sure it’s a choice because really what other choice do we have except to just keep swimming. 😀

      Thank you so much. I hope all is well with you.

      Reply
      1. Mali

        I love reading this. It’s exactly what I’ve been saying. Those first years are tough, but eventually, we realise that there are only two choices – to be stuck and unhappy, or to get on with life. And eventually, getting on with life gets easier and easier, and we are able to fully embrace it. Yay you!

        Also, I’m impressed enough that you completed the half marathon, and positively terrified by the idea of a full marathon. Good luck!

      2. gsmwc02 Post author

        See I don’t agree that it gets easier. To it’s not that it’s easy it’s that we get stronger. Saying that it’s easier or easy leads to outsiders dismissing the challenges that come with being childless after infertility.

  2. Courtney

    First off – you ran a half marathon and that is something to be proud of! Don’t let your finish time disappoint you at all! you did great because YOU DID IT!

    Go get that full marathon. I have no desire to do that, but good on you for doing it!

    Once we choose to move forward, it feels good to live again. Getting back to who we were is wonderful… enjoy it!

    Reply
    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      Actually this was my fourth half marathon. My first was my fastest almost 2 years ago. This one I was about 5 minutes slower. I guess I was expecting better cause I trained better for this one than any of the others thus far.

      I never thought I’d attempt to do a half let alone a full marathon. But I’m going to go for it and see what happens.

      It does feel great to be me and remove barriers. 😀

      Reply
  3. thecommonostrich

    Congrats on the half! Sure, it doesn’t feel great because you didn’t perform your very best. But this is what I love about running- you learn even when (or especially when) you fall short.

    Also, I’m really happy to see that you’re renewing your sense of self. My own grief over infertility and my mother’s passing impacted me so profoundly, and I too feel like it’s time to be myself again. Thanks for the inspiration!

    Reply
    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      I’m so sorry about your mom’s passing. This stuff is hard and takes time to work through. Everyone is different in how long it takes. I wish you the best.

      Reply
  4. Infertility Honesty

    Hi Greg – Wanted to congratulate you on this wonderful and hard won milestone! If lethargy returns here and there, it’s normal. What we go through is anything but linear, that’s for sure. I’ve seen glimpses of some pieces of myself from my “former” life lately too, what a sweet surprise that’s been.

    Sarah

    Reply
  5. GoingThruIt

    It makes me happy to hear that you have arrived at a place where you’re able to move forward, set goals, and confidently strive to meet them. Before my diagnosis last year, I’d never, ever have thought that a diagnosis of male factor could destroy so completely. Eight months later, I am a shell of my former self. I feel weak, incompetent, angry, sad, exhausted, and apathetic about life. I’m doing all I can to support my wife, but I’m falling apart emotionally. For her, childlessness is the great trial; for me, infertility is the worst thing. Even in IVF works and I’m holding a baby, I think that my own infertility will haunt me. I am in firm disagreement with the platitude “time heals all wounds”. Rather, I think it’s what we DO with the time that makes the difference. I just don’t know what to DO. Worse, I don’t feel capable to DO.

    Reading your post from down here is like a little ray of sunlight. Maybe it does get better. Right now, the only shreds of hope I have are the experiences of my elder brothers in the struggle and have been able to reframe the disability in a way that makes life livable again. So thank you for writing this blog. Men’s experience of infertility is vastly different from women’s – and men’s voices on the matter are too few. Thank you so much for your contribution.

    Reply

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