Haven’t blogged in almost 4 years and not sure who is still around following or even paying attention but thought I would post for the heck of it.
A little over a month ago marked 10 years since my first finding out about my infertility and in the following month or so confirmation that I would never be able to have kids. The anniversary came and went where I barely even remembered the day. Which is a long way from the first few anniversary’s where it was the only thing I thought about. But then again when I turned 40 3 years ago I thought it was going to be depressing but it barely registered (though I am not sure if that had anything to do with Covid where we were isolated). So not sure if it’s that as I am getting older I don’t get bothered by anniversary’s as much or something else.
Life has been fairly stable since I last blogged. About a year ago I moved on from the company I had been with for just over 10 years landing a new opportunity where I am working from home and working with people I worked with 15 years ago. I was ready to move on from my old company and had started interviewing just as Covid began 3 years ago but with the instability of the world at the time I decided to stand pat and ride it out. Unlike the previous times when I was looking for jobs where I found something pretty quickly this past search lasted for months. I had a lot of Zoom/Teams interviews that were really starting to wear on me before I finally landed the new job.
The new job has been pretty good the first year learning a lot and finally in a position where I am learning and getting experienced in areas that will help me take that next step in my career. It’s also a position that has allowed me to tap back into those analytical skills that my ADD can get immersed in. All in all it’s been a great move for me.
Beyond that life has brought the usual peaks and valleys. Covid we thought was going to be a challenge with the both of us working from home for over a year and a half but we survived and were able to not drive each other nuts. All in all our marriage couldn’t be stronger all things considered with what we went through and where we where 5-6+ years ago when it almost ended.
One of the joys we both have in our life is Rupert. He’s definitely the second child so to speak where he couldn’t be more different than Lila. While she was always laid back but also really sweet, Rupert is everyone’s best friend and gets extremely excited when we go to the park, go to visit my in laws or go on what we now call “Houndcation” where we go away typically to a beach where he goes mental. Though he is 8 years old now he acts like he’s 3 also believing that he is a 75lb lap dog.
I don’t really think that much about infertility anymore or being childless. Sure every now and then it pops up and there could be things on the horizon that bring those feelings back but I no longer live in fear of them. I have evolved to just live life and have no expectations as to what is next.
In the last 2 years I’ve done two podcasts/interviews with infertility/adoption authors/podcasters which were both great experiences though I think I’m better able to reflect on my experience and how things evolved with a clear head and acknowledge things I couldn’t back then. I remember one person I connected with who ended up childless after infertility reassured me that things would get better. At the time it bothered me as I knew it would but felt like if I acknowledged that it would that it would downplay what I was going through in the moment. But she was right that it would get better it just took a long time to get to that point. It took work, time and support from many outlets that got me to where I am today.
Anyways enough rambling this is where things are at today over 10 years since my first diagnosis. Life isn’t what I thought it would be not even close to what I would thought it would be and how we’d end up. But we’ve managed to make the best of what is. Because at the end of the day there really was no other choice you either adapt to what life is or you die. I adapted as best I could and continue to evolve as best I can.
I hope everyone is healthy and well. Sending strength and my best to those of you still following and/or stopping by.
G, this makes me so happy. I heard you on Lori LL’s podcast, and meant to reach out to you then, but life got in the way. Sorry!
Ten years is a big milestone. I’m so glad you popped back to mark it here. And I loved this: “Sure every now and then it pops up and there could be things on the horizon that bring those feelings back but I no longer live in fear of them. I have evolved to just live life and have no expectations as to what is next.”
That is wonderful. But it takes time, as you’ve acknowledged. Also loved this, “Because at the end of the day there really was no other choice you either adapt to what life is or you die. I adapted as best I could and continue to evolve as best I can.”
You’re evidence of what we both now know. That we will be okay in the end. 😉 But it takes time to get there, and I agree, it’s hard to be told that when we are in pain, angry, frightened, grieving. I just hope getting through that was made just a tiny bit easier by hearing those words. And you are now passing this hard-won life experience on to others by your update here, and podcasts. Brilliant!
Wonderful to hear about your life now. So glad everything is going well – relationship, job, dog! Hope you have a wonderful 2023.
Hey there, I thought about reaching out to you as well after doing Lori’s podcast and helping her out with her research. You were a valuable resource and friend during my darkest days and here we are all these years later. I can’t begin to tell you how appreciative I am for all of your guidance.
I hope all is well with you and your family. Have a great year.
So nice to hear from you, Greg! I’m glad things are going well in your world. 🙂 I too heard you & Jess on Lori’s podcast and really appreciate your willingness to share your story. Thanks for posting and giving us an update — all the best to you!
Thank you so much. I am glad you heard our interview. It was a lot of fun. Hope all is well.
So lovely to hear you write again. Glad to hear that things have panned out for you – particularly in the job sphere.
Thanks. Hope all is well with you. I can’t believe how big your kids are. Remember when your oldest was born.
nice to hear from you 🙂
Especially with such peaceful news.
Thanks. Nice to hear from you as well. Hope all is well with you and your family.
Hi! Bravo! Love your blog post. So real and may I say venerable and healthy masculine. Thank you for sharing.
If you’re open…. I would love to connect and see what we might collaborate on for NIAW. Also, it would be great if you could add me to your resources page!
I was just interviewed and talked about 10 years from now… and then I read your blog!
Kristen Darcy Fertility & Divorce Coach Award Winning Author 508-332-8548 firstname.lastname@example.org http://www.kristendarcy.com
https://www.instagram.com/kristen_sparkle/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristen-darcy-4b20a07/ https://www.facebook.com/loveandinfertility
I would love to connect. I’ll shoot you an email. Thank you for stopping by.
Thank you for this update! I’ve been thinking about you, so this post was a pleasant surprise. I’m glad you are doing well and equally glad that you are in this place with resolution. It’s hard won and am truly happy to see you here. Sending many hugs.
Thanks. I hope all is well with you.
Adapt or Die. Pretty much!!!
I’ve never read your blog before but was directed to this post from the second helpings on Stirrup Queen’s weekly blog roundup. So glad to read this!! We are the same age, and it will be 8 years for me next month since realizing I couldn’t have children. (I stopped trying after my fifth failed fertility treatment.)
I’m going to add your blog to my blogroll. Thanks for this post!!
Thank you for stopping by. I am so sorry for going through what you did. Will have to check out your blog.