This is another one of my posts that is going to be hypocritical based upon what I’ve written in the past. Back in December I wrote a piece on “Hope” and “Not Giving Up”. The argument that I made is that we shouldn’t tell each other to have hope and to never give up because it can set a person up for disappointment because there is no guarantee things will work out.
Fast forward almost three months. The decision to not pursue adoption was made. The idea of moving forward childless/free was explored. Then finally I have begun to think about exploring something I didn’t do two years ago in going back for a second opinion and possible biopsy to see if there is any sperm hidden in my boys. In the middle of all of this I had to stop running and go to Physical Therapy as my calf and Achilles’ tendon didn’t get any better plus my back started acting up again. And I found out the last of my childless college friends wife is pregnant leaving me as the only one in the group not a member of the “Dad Club”.
In that three months despite dealing with all of that my perspective on hope has changed. I’m more hopeful that things will work out in some way. Not being hopeful wasn’t getting me anywhere. It was just leaving me empty. I wasn’t ok and I’m still not ok. But I’m hopeful I will eventually be ok. I’m not sure what that ok will look like but it will be ok. I’m hopeful that ok ends with K & I becoming parents together. What’s helped me and what I need from my support system is that continued encouragement of hope and belief.
I think we all need hope that things will work out. Maybe that hope won’t lead to me becoming a parent. Even if we are down, yes feelings should be recognized and not dismissed. It’s justified to feel down and hopeless when things are not going well. Infertility is not easy to go through. It’s one of the most difficult things a married couple could face besides separation and divorce.
In addition to support and recognition of feelings each of us needs others around us to encourage and support us. We need to have hope for each other to help us believe that we can do this. Everyone needs hope that things will work out. Because if you don’t have hope or believe what exactly do you have?
In the words of Tug McGraw “Ya Gotta Believe!”