I can’t believe that it has been a year since my first sample revealed a zero sperm count. Honestly it feels longer than just a year because of the ups and downs with my mood swings. My perspective on many different topics have changed. My outlook on life has changed.
I still can’t comprehend that this was possible that I was born without the ability to produce sperm. I still can’t believe I will never be someone’s biological father. And I still can’t believe there is a good chance my wife and I will never become parents. Though I have accepted it for what it is the reality of it is still confusing and probably will always be.
Things haven’t been the same and probably never will be regardless of how we decide to proceed. I don’t think our lives are better despite our relationship being stronger than ever. The only thing I am sure of is that my wife and I will be together forever. It won’t be how I ever thought it will be but we’ll figure this thing out. I just don’t know what that will be and that’s the hard part. I hope within the next year to find out which path we will decide to go down. But that’s all I have right now is hope and it’s hard to have faith in just hope.