Losing Friends…

Another person who is infertile who is dealing with being outcasted as a childless adult. Great piece that dives into a topic that few people recognize with infertility.

Dreaming Of Diapers

I sit here crying thinking about how many friends I’m losing because of my infertility.

It’s a really weird thing…nothing I can control, I’m trying to do everything to stop it…but now, no matter what, if I don’t have a baby and everyone else does…I lose those friends.

Friends hang out with friends that they have things in common with. 90% of my friends have babies. They have play dates, they go to school together, they talk about all baby things…with me…they ask WHEN I’m going to have a baby….and that’s it….

Losing friends….

I’m lost and I’m losing more and more friends every month..another pregnancy announcement, another friend lost..
I know that the reality is…it’s that I’m jealous. I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I try. I really, really try not be…but it’s hard.

I want to be a part of that group. It’s an “elite” group in my…

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12 thoughts on “Losing Friends…

  1. Awaiting Autumn

    I feel like we are losing friends on both sides – the pregos/already have kids vs. The no kids. Our friends who got pregnant easily don’t understand and our friends who don’t have kids don’t get why we put so much effort into all of the fertility stuff. Unless someone has gone through it, they don’t get how it’s constantly on our mind. Hang in there. You are definitely not alone.

    Reply
  2. Dan

    After more seasonal visits to family who have newborns, we have turned down another visit to a another houseful of children to welcome in the new year – mainly so we don’t have to feel like the outcasts (probably just in my eyes). There would be the inevitable questions then the inevitable answers and sympathies so we’re having a night in (like Xmas day) to plan what 2014 will bring. I’m totally infertile and my wife’s heading for IVF with DI (I seethe when I say/type that) so it’ll be an expensive and stressful year.

    Reply
    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      Oh, I don’t think you are wrong for feeling like outcasts when you probably are. Best of luck in 2014. I’m always here if you need to engage with someone.

      Reply
  3. Dan

    Thanks gsmwc02, I treasure your words!
    Now, on this dreary, wet day in good old England, we need to tackle the crowds at the shops for food (for thought)!

    Reply
  4. kisarita

    relate. before i had my son, i lost friends. but it was more becuz of me then them- i avoided them because it was too painful for me.

    Reply
  5. kisarita

    addendum: im so greatful to my best fellow-in – childlessness- friend for not dumping me now that my son was born,,,,

    Reply
  6. kisarita

    wondering if you have any insight into maintaining friendships with some other childless friends since having a child? anyway i can make it not painful for them to hang around with me? There are some people i really value having in my life.
    a few years ago my then-best-friend got pregnant, she avoided me and I avoided her because neither of us knew how to deal with it. pretty soon we lost contact. i was releived but at the same time my feelings were hurt by her avoidance anyway.
    When my kid was born I contacted her and she responded but we can’t pretend to be best friends again.

    Reply
    1. gsmwc02 Post author

      That’s always a tough one. I think the best thing you can do is keep the door open and don’t get offended if they need space. If they are truly your friends they will remain in your life. My friend who had a miscarriage two years ago who had her son in September was very understanding when I declined their invite to meet their son with friends and family back in November. Now two months later I am ready and we will be visiting them to meet her son in two weeks. As you’ve said it’s a process for all of us. I wish you the best K on your journey.

      Reply

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